I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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