Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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