last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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