Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You ruined the universe
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
