there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize