ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
