no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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