i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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