Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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