just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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