how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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