Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
