My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
