Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
