Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
