Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
