Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
