Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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