We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
