now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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