Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My vagina is officially offended.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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