It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
