i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
