Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
