I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
