Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
