I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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