Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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