Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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