Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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