this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
