you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
