just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
