Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
