She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
