you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
