so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
