you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
