My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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