You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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