All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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