she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
