Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think my tv is drunk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
