he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
