Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
