As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
