don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
