True but thats because hes a fetus.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
