If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize