She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
