When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
