i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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