I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
