so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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