My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
