My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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