Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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