Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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