You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
