tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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