I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
