Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
