Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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