TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
