Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
