Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
