you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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