The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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