I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
