saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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