what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
