I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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