That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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