bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
