Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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