Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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